When love and hate collide

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Love is beautifull.. Falling in love is sweet.. Being loved are great..
*it's eveything nice*
Hate is ugly.. Hating somebody is bad.. Being hated by somebody is worst..

To me if love and hate collides - you'll see understanding. Pretty lame huh?

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I met my latest interest somewhere around 2005 without any personal feeling at that moment. This person was, like, all out to get me. Well, his mission accomplished! I think i'm experiencing love again.. and leaving my previous love ones.

For the first six months i live with very interesting moment.. We fought, we hugged, we kiss... The chemistry is there like a perfect couple - matching in any form. I felt i've met my soul mate *finally*

For the next six months later - i live with horror - it's like living in video with you push the rewind button. I got into the same situation again and again. We fought, we quarrels, no more kisses, no more hugged, no more hold hand. The chemistry is totally wrong at all. It's like ph imbalance. I hope to find new soul mate.. *sigghhh*

There's one fine day, we have another raw. It's really bad that i wished that we never met each other. We stopped talking or doing thing we use to do. I know it's going to ended just like that. We move on - separately.

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:: TWO WEEKS LATER... ::

Make up from our last arguement.

To myself, i know i still in love with him and vise versa. We have a good heart-to-heart talk. Learned not to take each other for granted. If we couldnt change it ( i mean behaviour, dress up, etc) remind ourselves that we're not perfect either. The only way to do it, try our very best to be the best. It's pretty lame or sound oldies but who cares. What i did know - i try to do what we both usually do during our first six months relationship. We usually texting each other in the morning while in the office, call each other at random times, starting to be more sensitive about my sweetheart and continuosly i'm getting a good feedback! Somehow or rather we do understand each other needs, likes, dislikes and to me it's might be one of process to get along better. I mean before we are one pair or stranger - born and raise differently. Allow yourself to give more time and space to your love ones to accept and learn more about you. I believe if we kisses or hugs our partner at least four times a day - it will make our relationship or our partner better.

:: NOW ::

I'm still in love!!! I'm still have my eyes on him, still set my mind on him, still lurking for him, still missing him if he's not around - (like a pyshco but who cares! I have license to do it!)

I wish every couple around the world - take good care of your relationship. Sometimes you might found a new love and sometimes a good love only will come one in a lifetime. Depends on how you put your heart's in it.

~ Happy Valentine's Day, People ~

Mmmmuuuaaah!

: : Hommiey, i'm back : :

Welcome back.. Yeah i know i've totally forgotten about this blog for the last one and half years.. you know people changing now and then and so am i. I meet somebody i fancied and spent a little too much time with until i've shoved everything else out of my world. Now my relationship have gone through the bad time and of course, sweet times. Soon we're going to celebrating our second year... It's good to be in love!

Please stay tuned with me...

Peace to all and praise to God!

...Hait...

:: Have You Ever? ::

Artist: Brandy

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, have you ever
Have you ever been in love
Been in love so bad
You'd do anything to make them understand
Have you ever had someone steal your heart away
You'd give anything up to make them feel the same
Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart
But you don't know what to say
And you don't know where to start
Have you ever loved somebody so much
It's makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, have you ever
Have you ever found the one
You've dreamed of all your life
You'd do just about anything to look into their eyes
Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to
Only to find that one won't give their heart to you
Have you ever closed your eyes and
Dreamed that they were there
And all you can do is wait for that day when they will care
Have you ever loved somebody so much
It's makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, have you ever
What do I gotta do to get you in my arms baby
What do I gotta say to get to your heart
To make you understand how I need you next to me
Gotta get you in my world
'Cuz baby I can't sleep
Have you ever loved somebody so much
It's makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, have you ever.....

...to be continued...

:: i do... now? - anti gravity ::

:: If I Die Tonight part three ::

(((This is the part three of this topic...)))

Since we lost Dean.. I've been doing lots thinking.. These are questions that pop up in my mind..

If i die tonight;
~ What will my people re act? will somebody cried? will somebody feel relieve?
~ What happen to my job? Will somebody dare to take over? Will my vacant job will not replace?
~ What happen to my personal belonging? will their keep it?
~ What happen to my sister? Will she find new best friend? Who's gonna lead her when she needs help or made mistake?
~ What happen to my best friends? Will they remember me? Will they accidentally drop by to my house, just to say hi?
~ What happen to my love? Will my boo find someone else? How soon?
~ What happen to my cute cat - Fireball? Will he look for my in my room? Will he find new owner? Will he still sleep in the same bed (which is mine?)
~ What happen to my family? Will they keep the peace as i always do?

and lots more... Since we lost Dean, i've change my perception that i must live to the fullest.. I might gone anytime so i know i must start to valued the precious time while i'm alive. I might not be the perfect person to my families, my friends, my boo but i know from now on - i must try to be one.. I want by the time i'm gone, all my people have enough time spent with me before and let me go in peace... no regrets, no faulty only sweet and fond memories left behind.. I treat everyday like it will be a last day for me... i'll pray everytime i go to sleep and when i woke up the next day - for giving me another chance to live and being around people i loved! I still got into fight with my sister.. or my boo... and regrets... - nobody is perfect...

:: when i'm anti gravity - i showered the world with love and peace... and hoping everybody will feel it.... ::

...

look out!!

it's about to rain, i think....

look out!!

Me - During campfire...

:: If I Die Tonight part two ::

Have you ever lost someone you care?

I do... I lost my best friend last week. She has taken her own life... Where am I that time? I was in deep sleep at home and somewhere in 4:30am I received a phone call from her boyfriend that she has passed away. I rush to her apartment to see her, I was welcomed by a death note she left on her lap top sits nicely on her favorite couch. On that note, she mentioned about her boyfriend who getting busier and busier each day - most of the time their both doing was ALONE instead of having good time together… She also told him that she failed to be a good and understanding girlfriend and wishing him a best for everything in future. In her long written mentioned few names that close to her.

My name was mentioned too, this is what she has written;

… You have being so kind to me, sharing ups and down, always there for me - to cheer me up, to share the saddest moment or the glorious time together. No matter what happen you always standing by... I love you ….. Even you are cold and to the point kind but yet you still can share laughter and no problem to scold me if I across the line. Lately you have ignored me, no more shopping spree, no more cruising around the town and club to club, no more late night chat in phone, no more showing off your car, no more funny yoga we always jokes, no more mocha blended with extra whipped cream… You been busy with your job too much and your latest boo, you ignored me completely. But I forgive you …., and I hope you won’t cry for me, just smile… Tell Jay i've choose my own way..

I feel guilty at first but then I know I have done so much as her best friend... The things that make me feel so sad were I didn’t have the chance to apologize if I hurt her or such... I saw her boyfriend, Jay cried so hard that I can’t even dare to go and comfort him. I only sit limply next to her... I want to hug her for forgiveness but I know that is too late for everything… I cant accept the fact she 's gone, for good. There's a lot people needs her - me, her loving boyfriend, our friends, her families...

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

I then learn from Kevin (another one of five of us), that the late friend of us was planning to take her life just to make everybody remember her.. God, she really make us!

A week after she's gone.., I was hanging out with other best friends (it’s five of us including her, before), we were celerating Sheryl is engage soon with her new American boyfriend and Amy suddenly pick up the phone and accidentally dial someone number and then… pause?

We all do miss her so much and we all do feel loss...

Dean (1979 - 2005),
We all will miss you. You will be remembered forever…. Although you were gone but the friendship that bond between us will never die…
Rest in peace, girlfriend…

:: One Minute Silence to everybody who lost Family members, friends especially the victims of tsunami disaster….. - Anti gravity ::

:: If i die tonight... ::

Artist : Too Phat
Title : If I Die Tonight
Album : 360° Platinum
***
If I die tonight
What would I do on my last day
I know i'll wake early in the morning
Crack of dawn's last ray

Will probably go for breakfast like I used to do
Fried kuey teow F.A.M and roti canai at Raju's with my boo
And friends from way back
Neighborhood, homies, extended family
Only know me as the same cat
With that shaved head
Rocking cross colours, sneaks the school
Rocking rhymes at back of class
Playing tricks on fools

Then I come back to the crib
Tidy up a bit
Y'all know my room's messy
Though classy
Start arranging my shit
Line up my shoes one by one
Start with Jordans and end with them Airforce ones
Put a post-it on the tongue of each one
With the name of each dun
I think I know my homies and who would want which one
Get on the phone and holler at everybody
It's nearly noon gots to have lunch with the family
I spend the last day, I don't know
Try to do a million other things
Hoping somehow time will slow
I guess what I'm trying to say is
Take everyday like it was your last
And work towards your dreams before you pass
And have a blast while you're at it
'Cos we don't know when we're gonna go
So make the best of it
Just keep it real to yourself
And to all people, if y'all lost somebody before
Remember they'll be to see you

If I die tonight
You know we'll be alright
Just smile for me
Reminisce the fond memories
If I die tonight
You know we'll be alright
Just smile for me
Reminisce the fond memories

Well, if I die tonight
I wonder where I'll be tomorrow
Nobody cry, please push away the sorrow
'Cos I have been the best of man
The best of friends
The best of mum and daddy's last son
The best of anything
Tell Joe here's the last one

If I die tonight
Will I be forgiven
For all the people I've been slackin' with when i was livin'
Those who I've hurt their hearts
Took advantage of and even lied to
Hug you one last time for forgiveness
Yea, I would like to

If I die tonight
Would you feel the loss
Tomorrow would you dial my number by accident
And then suddenly paused

If I died tonight
I wonder who would get to keep my caps and shoes, jerseys
Even my little stuffed crocodile, Coco too
Get my cellphone, message everyone from A to Z
Tell them this ain't Malique
He passed away last night
Pray he rest in peace

If I died tonight
What wouldcha think of my room
When you see blue
Wanted to clean it up this morning
But then I never knew

If I died tonight
What would happen to Tim
How long would it take before she kissed another man
God damn
At fast food joints
Would you still order the same combo meal for 2
Things I wish I knew

A cute little thing to many eyes
To me you were simply a beautiful thing
I tell no lies
We went from mere invisible friends
To pals real tight
A rendezvous'd upon
And then a chit-a-chat all night
I used to pick you up
Until you got your own ride
A slammin two door wheel
A grey 3672 lookin' all sleek
Remember when I asked why this
You said because its real fast
So you could rush to see your boy after class
The last time we met
Was 01 September
You left feeling upset
Over something I can't remember
I never apologised til January 10th 2003
When I heard you passed away
When I was deep in my sleep

Your loss taught me not to take my friends for granted
Misunderstandings gotta slam them quick
Death you never plan it
You're sorrowly missed down here
Warwin rest in peace
This too shall pass
But our true friendship will never cease
Love

If I die tonight
You know we'll be alright
Just smile for me
Reminisce the fond memories
If I die tonight
You know we'll be alright
Just smile for me
Reminisce the fond memories

I dedicate this one
To my friend Dean
1979-2005
You'll always be missed
And also everybody who lost
Family members, friends
We miss you
Y'all will always be remembered

In the loving memory of all the hip-hop heroes....

... to be continued...